


operation hot potato

by golden_geese



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), MCU peter is a kid, SO, also deadpool defeats thanos because WHAT is funnier than that, also i know peter was in space or whatever when he died, anti irondad and spiderson, anti tony stark, assuming those events happen recently after the events of deadpool 2, i figured it would make more sense than sending wade to space somehow lmao, just roll with it its not a big deal, so i just had thor pick him and tony up to go to wakanda idk, spideypool is only good if it's from a universe where like they're both adults and uh, this fic starts during the end of infinity war, this is NOT a spideypool ship fic, tony is a bad mentor so i'm replacing him with deadpool and nobody can stop me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-30 13:28:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18316178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/golden_geese/pseuds/golden_geese
Summary: wade wilson is a man who appreciates quality entertainment-- and watching ironman make a buffoon of himself is top-tier comedy. but wade never meant to accidentally save the world, and he certainly didn't mean to become the mentor of a certain teenage superhero. sometimes, games of keep-away get a little out of hand, but it's whatever.___________________“So you like… defeated Thanos?” Peter asks, clearly astonished.“What, like it’s hard?” Wade says in his best Elle Woods impression.





	1. high-stakes reality tv

**Author's Note:**

> if you're mad at me for writing an anti-tony fic, like, go someplace else and read something you actually will enjoy reading :') no tea no shade!!! in this house we stan deadpool and peter parker and aunt may that's just all there is to that
> 
> tumblrs: golden-geese and pramcine

Following Tony Stark around is almost a sport to Wade. It’s like when you find the Facebook account of someone you hated in high school, or when a celebrity you hate has an interview on TV-- you can’t look away. And Tony Stark is one hell of a dumpster fire. Wade almost needs popcorn to witness it.

It’s been a years-long project. He’s been aware of the whole Avengers baseball team bullshit ever since his begrudging affiliation with the X-Men started. Colossus likes to stay up to date with superhero news, or something, and the guy is always looking for opportunities to make himself look smarter and shinier than everyone else, so Wade has been stuck listening to him talk about news for maybe a total of twenty thousand hours. It wasn’t until the whole Geneva Accords debacle that he actually started hate-stalking Tony, though-- that one was just too big, too annoying, to ignore. 

Of course, Wade has his own shit to deal with. He has Vanessa. He has the whole X-party thing. He has alcohol to drink and magazines to read and a whole host of Adult Responsibilities to ignore. But after the whole thing with Cable and the X-Force and saving Vanessa’s life and all, he needs some guilty pleasure entertainment-- and this is basically like high-stakes reality TV.

This is one of those times where he didn’t really actually do the whole ‘thinking’ thing before hopping right in, though. Because this has gotten past watching Tony Stank fail for fun. This is into actual danger territory. So it’s maybe a good thing he’s well-concealed and out of the way.

Also, lowkey, it might possibly be a little bit ridiculous to last-minute jet off to Africa just to hate-stalk a superhero. 

Although, now that he’s thinking about it, like, where even is Tony? He does another sweep over the little fight situation. He tries to play I Spy with himself; recognizes Captain America, who’s looking cute, Captain America’s weird metal arm friend, who’s also looking cute, and a guy with a black cat suit and Wolverine claws who’s looking even cuter than Captain America-- shit, there’s a lot of them, and most of them are very cute, how is anyone supposed to even keep track?

Just as he’s wondering where the fuck Big Mister Hero even is, and why he didn’t show up to his own Superbowl party, a weird space-looking thing lands. Out pops Thor (who’s looking cute), Tony, and that one spider teen who Tarzans through the streets of New York to save cats or whatever.

Wade watches as the three newcomers join the fight. Everyone is doing maximum effort, minimal critical thinking skills. Nobody is actually really succeeding. Usually Wade loves a good failure moment, but this is almost embarrassing. 

“Oh my god, get the bracelet off the boy, it’s not that hard,” Wade says under his breath, peering at Tony’s distant figure to get a better look. “Literally just take the thing off his hand and let’s all go home. Iron Man? More like metal ski pants man with a stupid goatee and too much money.”

He glances around, almost wishing he’d blown his cover so someone could have heard that joke.

He doesn’t know who most of these people are. But they’re not doing a very good job of the whole super hero thing. 

There’s a tiny Russian accent in Wade’s head telling him to be careful, but he ignores his metallic voice of reason and, still totally concealed, edges closer to Tony. Any second now the guy’s going to do something absolutely idiotic. And then he’s going to be cocky about it. Wade almost can’t take the excitement. 

“I don’t feel so good, Mr. Stark.”

“Ew, he’s got people calling him _Mister Stark _?” Wade mutters, making a face.__

__“You’re fine,” he hears Stark say coldly to whatever poor underoo’d hero had just spoken-- Wade gets a better look; it’s the spider kid. And then the spider kid dies. Turns to dust._ _

__Wade blinks. Realizes he must have missed something. He looks around; watches a bunch of the other heroes turn to dust too._ _

__“Yikes,” he hears himself say._ _

__+_ _

__It’s, like, a whole big thing. It happened too fast to really remember. But he hadn’t followed Tony all the way to Africa just out of petty boredom, and watching the kid bite the dust-- and then turn into dust-- tugged at Wade’s Africa-sized soft spot. Okay. Yeah. Whatever. Maybe he should do something. So he does; he hops backwards in time just enough to slip in and punch the big bad guy in his ugly face (he never did figure out who the hell this dude is, but it doesn’t matter anymore) and gets the special mitten off his precious little fingers. Then he gets out without anyone really seeing him. Because he’s speedy. Then he puts a bunch of bullets into the hunk of metal and disfigures the fuck out of it and rips out the shiny Skittles attached to it because why not._ _

But then, as he’s leaving, he hears it again in his mind; memories that, because of his whole time travel thing, didn’t actually happen. “I don’t feel so good” “you’re fine”. Ew. He glances over his shoulder; remembers all he went through with Russell and remembers all that pretty stuff Vanessa said about kids and whatever. And, ultimately, _fuck_ it would feel good to take something away from Tony. So he zips back in. Grabs the spider kid, who’s on the ground after a hit, and gets him the fuck out of there. 

“Wh-- who are you? We gotta defeat Thanos,” the kid says, his voice dry-- _God, Stark, give your damn recruits a juice box or two every once in a while--_

__“Aww, that’s cute that you want to get the bad guy, but it’s already been taken care of,” Wade says, continuing to drag the teenager away. He’s not really resisting. Kid’s probably tired after all that, Wade figures. Especially since it seems like he’d come in from fucking space or something._ _

__“What? No, he’s-- what’s going on? I was supposed to stay with Mr. Stark,” the kid insists._ _

__“Mmm, I think it’s your naptime, little buddy. How old are you? Fifteen? Why are you fighting bad guys? Don’t you have homework to do?”_ _

__“I mean-- yeah,” he admits. “But I’m an Avenger. At least, I’m working on it, which is why I really gotta get back there-- where are you taking me?”_ _

__“Away,” Wade answers. “They’re not going to notice. I zipped right the fuck into the thick of shit-- sorry, you’re a kid-- I zipped right the fuck into the thick of _things_ and dragged you out and stuff without anyone noticing, so I think we’re fine. They’re busy doing whatever.”_ _

__“We gotta get the Infinity Gauntlet,” spider teen insists._ _

__“I’m telling you, kid, already been taken care of.”_ _

__“Who _are_ you?”_ _

__“Deadpool,” he says easily._ _

__“Deadpool? Are you a superhero?”_ _

__“Yikes, kid, I don’t like labels. Who’re you, again? Spider… Puppy? Spider Nugget? Negasonic Teenage Spider Head? Spider Prince?”_ _

__“Spiderman,” he corrects. “Uh, but my name’s Peter Parker. And I can walk on my own.”_ _

__“Alrighty,” Wade says, letting go of the kid. “Tell me, Peter Parker, does Tony Stark make you do a lot of stuff?”_ _

__“What do you mean?” Peter asks, brushing dust off his arm. He rips his mask off. Rubs at his face. He looks even younger than Wade had thought. _This kid really is a… kid.__ _

__“Like, Tony Stark, Iron Man-- does he make you just like, do stuff? All the time? Like does he make you do his weird ideas and shit?”_ _

__“I mean… no,” Peter says. “Kind of the opposite, I guess. But it’s fine. I like just taking care of my neighborhood. Are you sure everything is okay back there? I don’t really think we should be leaving them…”_ _

__“I’m sure your spider puppet suit thing has fancy eye holes or whatever, take a look and you tell me,” Wade suggests, crossing his arms over his chest as he stops walking._ _

__Peter puts his hood back on. Turns to get a good look. “Uh… it looks like they’re leaving,” he says. He turns back to Wade. “What did you do, Mr. Deadpool?”_ _

__“My name’s Wade Wilson. Don’t call me Deadpool. That’s weird. Anyway. Yeah. The situation got taken care of. So don’t even worry about it, kid. Just come with me. They’re going to be looking for you soon, I’m sure.”_ _

__“I don’t get it,” Peter says._ _

__“Yeah, I don’t really get it either, there’s so many people and so much stuff happening it’s hard to follow. But it’s fine. Some stuff happened, and then some other stuff happened, and then a really hot guy with a cool outfit and two sick swords came out of nowhere and was like, not on my watch, and now he’s leaving ‘cause he really never wanted to be here in the first place,” Wade explains lazily. “I have a jet waiting. C’mon. Back to New York.”_ _

__“How do you have a plane waiting? Do you work for Mr. Stark?”_ _

__“Ew, gross, no, don’t insult me like that ever again or I might have to pop out those cute little chocolate brown peepers of yours and eat them for a light snack,” Wade says. “I don’t work for anyone. I work for myself. And I happened to get my paws on an X-People credit card so, yeah, chartered jet. I like to say X-People instead of X-Men because they’re not all men and that’s kind of sexist, isn’t it? It’s more of a cult than anything though. X-Cult. Don’t drink the Kool-Aid when I take you back to the X Party Mansion, though.”_ _

__“What?” Peter asks, blinking, clearly confused. Wade nudges him toward the jet, which they’ve about come up to. They go inside._ _

__“Ready for takeoff,” Wade says to the stewardess who had come with the jet rental. “A glass of your finest apple juice for the spider.”_ _

__“Of course,” she says, flashing a flight attendant smile before slipping off to tell the pilot they’re ready to leave._ _

__“You said New York, right?” Peter asks._ _

__“Yep. Time to go home.”_ _

__“So you like… defeated Thanos?” Peter asks, clearly astonished._ _

__“What, like it’s hard?” Wade says in his best Elle Woods impression._ _

__Peter balls up his mask. He leans forward, eyes wide. “How did you even do it, though?”_ _

__He half-shrugs, leaning back in the cushy airplane seat. “It doesn’t matter, spider boy.”_ _

__“Do you just leave your suit on after you finish stuff?” Peter asks._ _

__“Believe me, you do not want to see what’s underneath,” Wade says. “You already died once today, if I show you my mug you might die again.”_ _

__“I… what are you talking about, Mr. Wilson? I died? What do you mean?” Peter asks, his eyebrows mashing toward each other._ _

__“Okay, first of all, save your misters for toaster man,” Wade says. “Second, yeah, cat’s out of the bag, you died, I went back in time and took the magical oven mitt off bitch boy’s paw and here we are.”_ _

__“How did you go back in time?”_ _

__“I have this thing. From my enemy turned crush turned co-worker or whatever. Long story. You’ll meet him at the X house.”_ _

__“What happened, though? From before you went back in time? Did Thanos beat me?” Peter asks._ _

__The jet starts to take off, taxiing for only a few seconds before nosing its way into the air. It ascends quickly._ _

__“Thanos beat more than just you, kiddo,” Wade says, scratching at his forehead from the other side of the mask. “Bunch of your friends, too. Unfortunately he didn’t ice Mr. Sticky or I might have had to just let him get away with everything.”_ _

__“What’s your problem with Mr. Stark?” Peter asks, not defensively or unkindly-- the kid seems tired, and maybe a little fed up. The questions are just curiosity._ _

__“You sure ask a lot of questions. Let’s just say I got major beef with him. I don’t love his whole funding war situation or his thing with the whatever accords or his nasty nasty little beard. Also, have you seen his special lady friend? Hot! There must be something wrong with him if he hasn’t put a ring pop on her finger. When you get a girl like that you gotta lock her down and show her you mean business. If he’s too stupid to figure that out he’s gotta be really stupid.”_ _

__“You mean Pepper Potts? They’re engaged now actually,” Peter says._ _

__“Well, he’s still stupid.”_ _

__“Here’s your apple juice, hon,” the flight attendant says pleasantly, coming to set a glass down on the table in front of Peter._ _

__“Oh! Thanks,” he says, picking it up and drinking it, even though Wade lowkey ordered it for him as a joke._ _

__“My pleasure.” She walks away._ _

__“To tell you the truth, Mr. Wilson--”_ _

__“No!” Theatrically, he bangs his gloved fist on the table. “Don’t ‘mister’ me! Gross!”_ _

__“Uh, to tell you the truth, Wade, I’ve been kind of wondering about Mr. Stark lately myself,” Peter says. “He always says he’s mentoring me, but he’s never really… mentored me. And he always used to make me lie to my aunt. She’s my legal guardian and all so I live with her. I was kinda really relieved when she accidentally found out I’m Spiderman.”_ _

__“He made you lie to her?” Wade repeats, making a face. “How old were you?”_ _

__“Fifteen, when the whole thing started.”_ _

__“Yikes.”_ _

__“And then he took away my suit ‘cause he didn’t like how I was using it,” Peter goes on. “And he told me if I’m nothing without the suit I shouldn’t have it. But I did good stuff before I had it. I helped people. The suit was just helping me help people better. Then he gave me back the suit. He does stuff like that, but he never really tells me what he wants me to do-- other than just stay in my neighborhood and don’t do anything dangerous, which isn’t fair, because I have abilities and I want to use them to help people! He’s always mad at me for helping people ‘cause I’m not being safe, but he never actually taught me how to do it safely or whatever.”_ _

__“Uhhh, double yikes,” Wade says. “You’re welcome for swooping in and saving you from that bullshit. Hey, you want to be an X-boy?”_ _

__Peter blinks. “You mean the X-men? Are you an X-man?”_ _

__“No way. Well, maybe kind of. Maybe like twenty five percent. They want me, but I’ve been sort of doing a playing hard to get thing with them-- but they’re chill. When they’re not ruining my revenge plans, that is. But how cute would it be if you became an X-person instead of an Avenger and we just rubbed it all up in Tony Stink’s perfect little nose?”_ _

__“Uh--”_ _

__“Take your time, think on it,” Wade says, waving his hand dismissively. “I’m sure you’re tired, and you said you have homework.”_ _

__“I mean, I don’t… have it with me,” Peter says, blinking._ _

__“All the technology we got, in this day and age, and you still can’t just do your homework in your head and then beam it to your teachers? Yeesh. Public education is tragically underfunded,” Wade says, leaning back and putting his feet up on the table in front of them. “Just do me a favor and don’t tell Tony where you are or who you’re with, alright? I’m gonna make that little bitch come looking for you and then not let him find you. Ha! That’ll be fun, right? Like a weird game of hot potato.”_ _

__“He’s… I don’t think he’s going to come looking for me,” Peter admits, shrugging._ _

__“Triple yikes,” Wade says, yawning. “Guess we’ll see. Either way-- you’ll love our X bungalow. It’s full of all kinds of exciting X shit I’m not allowed to touch.”_ _

__“Like the X credit card?” Peter asks, smiling a tiny bit._ _

__“Exactly like the X credit card,” Wade says, almost impressed at the jab._ _


	2. im_not_deadpool_69

“Alright, kid. You got my number. So finish your homework and then give me a call when you’re ready to come party,” Wade says as Dopinder parks the taxi in front of Peter’s building.

Peter hesitates a little. Tugs on the sleeve of his flannel shirt.

“What’s caught in your web?” Wade asks.

Peter glances over to him; probably trying to make eye contact, Wade figures, but whatever, there’s a mask in the way, it’s fine.

“I was just thinking Mr. Stark has GPS in my suit and all,” Peter says. “So… I mean, you said you don’t want him to find me, right? I don’t think he’ll look ‘cause he always tells me to go away and stuff, but he’ll still have access to that information.”

Wade makes a face. “Yikes. Yeah. That could be a problem for us.” 

“There’s stuff I gotta do around here,” Peter says. “People need help all the time. So I can’t just not use it.”

“I’m already on board that booze cruise. You don’t have to convince me. Is there an earlier version of the suit? That one’s all shiny and stuff, it looks very twenty-eighteen, it can’t be your original.”

“Yeah, it’s not,” Peter says, perking up a little. “I guess I could use the old one. I actually ripped the GPS out of it myself a while ago. Not ‘cause I wanted to do something bad, just ‘cause he wasn’t letting me help people and all,” Peter hurriedly amends.

“You aren’t, like, a Tony Crony, right, spider teen?” Wade asks, leaning back against the seat.

“Mr. Pool, we’re double parked, we can’t just stay here,” Dopinder comments from the front seat.

Wade waves a hand dismissively.

“What do you mean?” Peter asks.

“You aren’t his little puppy dog, right? You’re not a teacher’s pet? You want out from under his thumb, don’t you?”

“I’m not really under his thumb,” Peter says.

“Seems like he’s in control to me.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s in control-- I just mean he doesn’t really keep me under his thumb ‘cause he’s always telling me to go home and not get involved in stuff.”

“That isn’t very rock’n’roll of him,” Wade says. “So you’re on board with this cute little game of keep-away?”

Peter opens the car door, unbuckling his seatbelt to get out. “I think so.”

“Great.”

“You probably want me to keep it a secret from my aunt, right?” Peter asks, shifting his shoulders and frowning a tiny bit.

Wade recoils. “No! Bad spider monkey! That’s your call, not mine. Everything you think is my call is probably yours so stop asking me for calls. The line’s busy. But do call me when you’re ready to rage. And don’t tell her about the cocaine or the strippers.”

“What cocaine and strippers?” Peter asks, whispering like it’s a secret.

“Perfect! Just like that,” Wade says, grinning underneath his mask.

“Uh-- okay,” Peter says, eyes turning upward as he tries to figure out what the hell Wade just said. “Thanks for the ride and all. I’ll talk to you soon.”

 

“I’ll be waiting by the phone dreaming about you,” Wade calls after the kid as he heads to the front door of the apartment building. “But not in a creepy way! That sounded like a creepy thing! I mean in a cool friend way that’s totally appropriate for a sixteen year old and his cool grown up friend!”

“I’m eighteen,” Peter calls back, glancing over his shoulder as he opens the door.

“Whatever,” Wade says easily as he leans back in his seat. “Drive, Dopinder. I got a girl to get back to.”

+

Two days later, after plenty of Vanessa time, half a box of Poptarts, and maybe a little assassination moment with a rich pedo, Wade suits up to head back to Queens. Peter’s text had assured him that he had told the aunt everything, so he figures it would be chill if he knocked on the door. 

There’s a speck of dust or something right on the inside of his nostril, and it’s driving him crazy. But he doesn’t have time to yank the mask off, itch it away, and get the mask back on before someone answers the door. Probably should have thought about that before he knocked.

“Hi,” a woman with long hair and chunky glasses says as she opens the door. “Are you Wade Wilson?”

“I sure am,” he says. “You must be spider monkey’s aunt.”

“Yeah. May Parker,” she says, offering a hand. He shakes it. “Come on in. Peter!”

“Coming!” The kid calls back from the other side of a wall.

Wade looks around the apartment, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against a wall. “May, I gotta tell you-- I once wiped my ass with a Better Homes and Gardens magazine, and if it had a picture of this gorgeous apartment on the cover, I wouldn’t have done it.”

She blinks, but then she laughs a little. “Thanks? I think? I’ll go grab us all some coffee. Sit down, make yourself comfortable.”

He does, plopping down on the couch, picking up their TV remote, which he turns around in his hands a few times.

“Hey mister-- I mean, hey Wade,” Peter says, grinning as he comes into the room. “Were you just fighting crime and stuff? Why are you in your suit?”

“It’s kind of my brand,” Wade says, scratching idly at the side of his neck. “I wouldn’t want to disrespect my brand, kiddo. You should be taking notes. This is lesson one.”

“Uh--” Peter chuckles a little, not unlike the laugh his aunt just laughed. He sits down. “What’s my brand, then?”

“Remember what I said about the calls? That’s one you gotta make yourself,” Wade says, gesturing at Peter with the TV remote. He tosses it aside. “Anyway. You ready to train with me?”

“Train with you?” Peter repeats, cocking his head to the side a little. May comes back in just then, setting down a tray of three coffee mugs and a plate of sliced Something.

“Yeah. I did some thinking,” Wade says. “Or, okay, my wife did the thinking, she’s the brains of the operation. She knew who you were when I explained everything to her and she thought you could use some guidance. And I was like, ha, yikes, let’s get the kid a seeing eye dog then, but she made a few good points so, what I’m getting at, is, I don’t know shit about being a superhero, but I do know shit about being a weirdo who can do weird stuff, and you want to use your weird stuff for good, right?”

“Yes,” Peter says, nodding emphatically, after a moment of unpacking the confusing word suitcase Wade had just laid out in front of him. “Yeah. I do.”

“So maybe I can give you a pointer or two, and help you figure out the best way to do that, and I can be your backup when you get into a bind,” he suggests lazily, as if the thought had just come to him, and he hadn’t had a whole-ass conversation about it with Vanessa yesterday. “That is, if you’re into it, and your aunt says it’s okay.”

“Ooh, asking permission-- I like this one, Peter,” May says, nudging her nephew. He grins at her a little bit. It’s almost cute.

“I think that sounds good,” Peter says, glancing back toward Wade and nodding. 

“We might as well do something productive while we’re sending toe nail on a wild spider chase.”

“May? D’you think it’s a good idea?” Peter asks.

“As long as you’re not being smuggled out of the country on false pretenses and then getting lectured by some random billionaire, I’m good,” she says, sipping her coffee. “I never liked Tony Stark, anyway.”

“Ooh!” Wade shouts, pumping his fist. “I like you! Yeah! We’ll show that rusty hodge podge of car parts who’s boss!”

“I told you, though, I really don’t think he’s going to come looking for me,” Peter says, chuckling a little uncomfortably.

“Nah, kid, I bet he will-- you’re an asset. You’re the toughest middle schooler I’ve ever met. You defeated Thanos.”

“No, you defeated Thanos,” Peter argues. “Also I’m a senior in high school.”

“Cute. Just don’t go spreading around my little run in with that icky space guy, okay? I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Right,” Peter says.

“Why don’t you take your mask off and have some coffee? I’m really trying to be a good host here, but you have to participate too,” May jokes.

“He said it’s his brand, May,” Peter says.

“Smart kid, guess you didn’t even need to take notes,” Wade says, smirking.

“Are you keeping your identity a secret or something?” May quirks an eyebrow. “I feel like if I’m going to let my nephew run around with you, I should at least know who I’m dealing with.”

He hesitates a little. Runs the numbers. “Okay, just remember you asked for this, I’m pretty fugly under this thing.”

“As long as you don’t have a weirdly shaped goatee, it will be a step up,” May comments.

“Right! Toaster’s beard is so stupid! Oh, I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks so.” Before he can convince himself otherwise, he yanks the mask off. Peter and May are both clearly taken aback-- Wade does his best to ignore it.

“What… happened to you?” Peter asks, eyes a little wide, though he’s clearly fighting to keep his tone totally normal.

“Really really long story, kid,” Wade says. “But I didn’t always look like this. I used to look like a B list Canadian actor. One of those Hollywood guys who gets quirky movie roles and has a hot wife with a man’s name. You know the type. Anyway, then I got whole-body cancer and ended up in some experimental treatment. Yadda yadda yadda, now I look like a piece of beef jerky.” He grabs a slice of whatever bread proxy is on the plate May had set on the coffee table and takes a bite. “Holy shit, what is this? It’s delicious!”

“Walnut date loaf,” May says, nudging her glasses into place. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Aunt May’s really good at baking,” Petter offers, eyes still doing the thing.

Wade swallows. “Look, kid, I know it’s kind of a shocking sight, but believe me, I’m all good. I got my revenge on the asshole who made me ugly and I got my girl back and all that jazz.”

“What did you say your wife’s name was?” May asks.

“Vanessa. She’s pretty great.”

“I’m sure.”

He finishes his slice of walnut date loaf. “Anyway-- d’you have school, or is it the weekend, or what? ‘Cause I’d love to whisk you off to X house right now and get this thing going.”

“Spring break just started, actually,” Peter says, hopping up. “You want me to stay over there? I can go pack right now.”

“Yeah, just until robot boy comes looking for you and your lovely aunt sends him on his way,” Wade says. “If that’s okay with her.”

“Yeah, sure,” she says; Peter heads back to his room. “Can I have your number?”

“Oof, not a sure fire way of getting ahold of me,” Wade says, clicking his tongue. “I’ll give you my Snapchat. That one always gets through.”

“So you don’t always receive texts and calls, but you _do_ get Snapchat messages?” She asks.

“Yeah, it’s a whole science phone thing. Anyway. My Snapchat name is “I’m not Deadpool 69” with no apostrophe and underscores between the words,” he says easily.

“Great,” she says, raising her eyebrows a little. “I’ll just… Snapchat you then.”

“It really is the best way to get a hold of me.”

“Ready,” Peter says, coming back into the room with a backpack on his shoulder.

“Yeesh, that fast?”

“It’s only for a few days, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, and we can always whisk you back here in the dead of night to collect another set of underoos if we need to. Alright. Ready to head out?” Wade asks, putting his mask back on.

“Yeah,” Peter says, nodding. He heads over to his aunt; she stands to hug him.

“I love you,” she says. “Text me.”

“Yeah, ‘course I will,” he says, grinning. “Love you too.”

Almost developing a cavity from how sweet this damn kid is, Wade waves to May and leads Peter out.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave a comment if you enjoyed this :)


End file.
